reading that post over, i think i sound a bit conceited. i hope that's not the case. really, i am very flattered by this kind of attention, but it also puts me in a rough position and the fact that i am non-confrontational doesn't help matters.

random happening of the moment: last night at 3 am the korean exchange student who lives on the third floor of my house came into my room, closed the door, and confessed to me in broken english that he's in love with some girl he knows. after quite a few misunderstandings, and going back and forth with questions, i got from him that he met this girl six months ago, can't tell me her name, and hasn't had a chance to hang out with her yet, but that he's had a growing love for her since the first moment he saw her, and finally realized his love two weeks ago when he saw her reading in the window of a coffee shop. now, he claims, he can't sleep at night, thinking about her keeps him up and he doesn't know how to ask her out...but so far is just waiting until the right time.

fade away to two nights ago...guho (the guy's name) comes to chat with me and brings up valentine's day...asking me about my plans and any possible dates that i might have. normal conversation.

next scene, two weeks ago: i am sitting in amer's on state street reading robinson crusoe when guho walks by the window and i wave.

conclusion: there is a 90 percent chance i could be this girl. i don't have feelings for guho and can hardly hold a regular conversation with him. he is a nice guy but there is no way i think i could date him.

psychological analysis: i had to break up with carlo almost exactly a year ago (has it been that long??). i have had very little interest in pursuing "serious" relationships since then because i don't want to have to handle the bad feelings at the end. i promised myself i would let it go if i found a guy incredible enough that it was worth the risk. i've met some good ones, but for the most part not one i would risk dating only to find out their feelings are far stronger than mine and i have to hurt that person. that's just not worth it to me.

current dilemma: if guho is talking about me, it's an intense situation. he didn't just say he had a crush, he said "in love." it's like carlo version 2.0, except worse because i know this guy even less. also, what if he does something for valentine's day tomorrow...what if that's the "right time" he's been waiting for. i just don't want to deal with crushing someone like that.

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

i know i just have to be honest and tell him we're friends, but i am seriously dreading it.

at the same time, the guy i do kind of like is a bit off limits. not completely, but he is in the same group of friends as steve and this guy jacob i saw a little freshman year. i don't want to be one of those girls who makes their way around a group. that's just not good for business. but i'm going to this dance thing for valentine's day tomorrow and he'll be there. i'll be dressed up and tipsy. who knows.

what am i going to do with my life.

happy friday the 13th and happy valentine's day all you lovely people.

after staying awake to do work and all that other life stuff for 37 hours straight, then crashing for a straight 12, i have come to the conclusion that i have weird work habits. weird and coffee induced.